Haiku #8

yes I was bitter..
I now laugh at how I was..
but still I miss you..

COMPOSITION

I've been living in the past..
lost in the fine threads of time..
unable to define what is real..
from what I really want..

I still dream about us..
happily dancing beneath a sea of stars..
or under the pouring rain..
like a hopeless romantic would..

I'm fond of the cliches..
that make lovers' worlds turn round..
sometimes I wish it was all different..
maybe then it wouldn't hurt as much..

I remember the sound of your laughter..
were you truly happy then?
or was it a mockery of my emotions?
did I laugh with you and you laughed at me?

it's not that we were perfect together..
we were a disaster waiting to happen..
ours was a survival story..
or so I thought it would be..

so I believed in ever afters..
ever after miseries..
I'd rather be in pain than in love..
'cause at least the pain'll go away..

don't be surprised if I can't move on..
'cause for every step I take forward..
your memory makes me take a hundred back..
it's not that I can't, I just don't want to forget..

I know you still feel my presence..
those stolen glances of hidden admiration..
immobilized by the logic of restraint..
yet still longing for the promise of forever..

falling in love jumpstarts the poetry..
the license comes from getting hurt..
but it'll never be a good enough reason..
for you to say you can't be happy..

I'm really running out of words..
trying to find a way to end this silly piece..
but maybe, just maybe, the ending's not the answer..
for all endings are merely new beginnings..